Bits And Pieces 6: Yardie, SSS, The New President-Elect and S.S.

Foreword: A week ago, History was made. Still TV-less, a week later, I blog about it...

It Ain’t Safe No More
Apart from being the title of one of Busta Rhymes’ albums, this should also be the alert status of every single Blogger out there. It seems you could be even arrested nowadays for putting up a post on how to make proper "semo"! OK I kid…

Every government/regime in Nigeria seems to have their individually selective phobias. For Idiagbon, it was the fear of refuse dumps and indiscipline. For IBB it was the fear of telling the truth and Democracy. Abacha had a huge terror for international travel and a certain magazine called Tell. Ditto for OBJ who hated corporate attire and a young musician by the name of Eedris Abdulkareem for singing "Nigeria Jaga-jaga".

Yardie’s administration, it seems has the fear of intellectual expression. The detention and subsequent release of the Lansing-based Nigerian blogger, Jonathan Elendu by the SSS/EFCC should teach us not to think otherwise.

Inspired by my prophetic genes when I taunted the NBC in my last B & P by suggesting they take up seizing bloggers’ licenses as a new source of revenue, I had no idea their bigger Big Brother, the SSS would take it so seriously. First it was Channels TV, now it is blogging. The effort hasn’t really been wasted, at least now I know the definition of the word "sedition".

True to their nature of being a caring family, all of blogville came out in stout defense of one of their own writing various posts on the matter and a group was even formed on FB to protest J.E.’ s detention (I wonder what the group will do now he’s been released?) It does give one a warm feeling inside knowing you won’t be alone if you’re ever arrested! (And Aloofar, does Woomie make it to your list of potential detainees after this recent post of hers? By the way, I’m still trying to figure out how we can protest by going naked virtually).

A comedian once joked that unless you’ve been detained (and released) by the EFCC, you can’t call yourself a big man. The long and short of this gist is that despite the consequences of the trauma he endured in solitary confinement, Jonathan Elendu’s ordeal has not only brought Yardie’s true intentions into stark, painful light but actually made his blog more popular. In all honesty, I had never visited ElenduReports.com until after his arrest.

That visit has become an eye-opener.

I’m even safely contemplating a form of mild arrest by the EFCC (no SSS for me, thank you!)

Obama-drama
So it’s finally over?

Much to my relief, the 24-month long political soap opera known as Obama-drama a.k.a. Obama-mania is finally drawing to an end. Now the husky-voiced, 2 ton-chested Madam of the Stock Exchange can deftly dodge the EFCC, loosen her custom-made bras and take a breather while we can now go back our daily tedium of insulting our leaders instead of picking one for the U.S. like the global busybodies we are.

Inasmuch as I refused to be caught in the plot of the drama or be drawn into the Lagos "carnival" that heralded his victory, it was fun catching peeks of the Election coverage on CNN especially a programme called "The Campaign Trail". I actually enjoyed the 01/11 edition which subtly poked fun on the "flawed" American voting system (Maurice Iwu ridiculously claims ours is better!)

I’m hoping that come 2011 the Nigerian media can copy from CNN’s balanced, detailed and mildly humourous reportage and we the people can focus on choosing better leaders (as opposed to tyrannical rulers) for ourselves instead of looking for unadvertised vacancies as international Campaign Managers.

It’s high time we realized that Obama shall not, will not, does not acknowledge our interference one bit. He is an American first and a Blackman second.

And when it comes to politics, as they say, no paddy for jungle!

Very TV-less…
I’m discarding the last shredded piece of my raggedy pride to do this: Blogville, I need a TV soonest! This TV-holics Anonymous withdrawal phase is slowly but surely driving me CRAZY!

I mean it’s one thing if I had absolutely no means to get one or maybe if all the PHCN poles had fallen in my area but to have two TVs within close reach and not being able to conscript any of them into active service has started depleting my brain cells.

The rats in my mom’s house have the one there all to themselves but the most annoying one is the big fully functional set which we leave abandoned in the office specifically for tutorials when the Boss wants to give us a lecture on CRT (Cathode Ray Tube) principles in relation with X-ray radiation and stuff like that or when we want to learn how to unsolder a component from a PCB (Engineering-speak). Very frustrating!

Well, I ain’t too proud to beg… If any of you out there has a spare TV to dash me, be it Black & White, a portable, CRT or even the latest LCD just holler at me and I’ll send my address sharpish. I’ll even buy Viju Milk for the delivery driver if need be.

And while I’m at it, can I beg for a DVD player too?

But Still Watching TV…
It’s amazing the distances I’ve traveled recently just to peek at the boob tube (that’s TV to the uninitiated, not a fashion accessory). Bida, Niger State was far enough as it got recently but the bravest feat so far was going to the common room of a girls’ secondary school hostel to watch "Super Story"! I can tell you one thing for sure: it was traumatic for me having to sit through the hour as 60 pairs of pubescent female eyes virtually tore me apart. I can’t imagine what must have been going through those teenage mind filled with crushes and ideas on the brain.

I bet it was also traumatic for the student I almost ran into bathing outside (why do females always bathe outside? It must be in their genes to never use the toilet / bathroom) so I’m not pulling that stunt again.

Worse, that particular episode of "Super Story" wasn’t even worth it.

Who the heck is Tolu Olukunga?
That’s the question that comes to my mind whenever I watch the current edition of Super Story titled "Nnenna: A Gift of Love". Fair-skinned Tolu plays the title role of Nnenna in the script, a ghost who seeks to save her kidnapped mom from the clutches of her evil uncle and avenge the deaths of her and her father at the hands of said uncle by exposing him.

In all sincerity, I’ve never seen Tolu act before but her characterization leaves a lot to be desired especially when she’s acting emotional (ghosts apparently aren’t supposed to be emotional - according to the script). Tolu as a ghost sucks and the scriptwriter occasionally seems to forget just what exactly her powers are. Nnenna for example, can easily spot the hiding place where her uncle stashes mom away but is totally oblivious when he removes her from there and later zooms past her with the poor woman tied up in his car trunk. And after wasting our time showing us the other ghosts in the "ghost village" teach her how to channel her emotions into interaction with the physical world, we never get to see her use such power anyway.

Another ridiculousity (pardon me) is the make-up artiste’s Michael Jackson-esque idea of smothering Gabriel Afolayan in very brown make-up making him appear more brown-skinned than usual. His different skin-colour tones are clearly visible at his upper arms and neckline whenever he wears a T-shirt. Just giving him a clean-shave was enough to bring out the boy in him. His over-acting makes up for the rest.

The entire script is sadly predictable if you’ve watched the movie "Ghost" in the past and the lack of special effects (relying heavily on the cut-and-edit camera techniques instead of the simplest superimposition) leaves the whole series feeling… well… un-ghostlike.

The increasing number of sponsors and lengthier periods of time-wasting in the script may have Mr. Adenuga smiling to the bank but will leave many of his ardent fans even more disappointed in his Super Story legacy. It is difficult throwing verbal javelins at a production company I very much look up to but I know WAP can do better than this. I mostly criticize them because I care.
I can’t wait to see Tolu play a better role in maybe another edition of S.S. and with more conviction too. Her limited wardrobe in "Nnenna" (ghosts also apparently wear just one set of clothes) also seems to have done her in and my sister - in a bout of typical female envy - accuses her of holding in her tummy.

But we all know there’s nothing that displeases a fine intelligent woman more than the presence of another fine intelligent woman!

Chari, do you happen to have her number? Help a bro, abeg!

PS: On A More Regular Schedule
Starting from just now, you can expect my B & P posts on a more regular monthly schedule. That way you can expect at least one MN post each month even if I’ve got nothing more sensible to talk about.

Remain posted…