Wednesday, April 15, 2009

B & P 10: Aging Presenters, Music Blogs & Definitions

Hollywood, Ko… True Love, Ni… (in mixed English)
This is Naughty Eyes reporting live from the Hollywood Hills in California… OK, let me cut out the crap. I am really in Lagos (I’m loving this entertainment capital of Naija sha. With a well-positioned TV antenna, a generator and a gossipy neighbourhood, who really needs cable TV?)
So why did I start off with the California bit? Well, I saw an edition of Kenny and Dayo’s Primetime Africa show on TV recently where the (aging) presenters decided to showcase the video of Kelly Hansome’s True Love. Contrary to certain opinions, me and Kelly Bros no get wahala. Na Keke and D-1 dey vex me this time.
According to the duo, the said video was shot quote, in the Hollywood Hills in California and features the beautiful Nollywood actress, Stephanie Okereke, unquote. Na so I just balance well-well hoping to see my ex-fantasy babe play love with KH on TV. Instead Keke and D-1 just fall my hand seriously.

Guys! C’mon!! Since when did shooting a video somewhere in Enugu or wherever and adding external video clips showing aerial views of Hollywood equals to shooting the music video in Hollywood? Even me wey never go Film school sef sabi the editing trick them use for the video. Stop playing with our intelligence abeg!
To even spoil matters more, the much-touted Stephanie Okereke’s appearance consists of inserted footage from one of her recent movies, not that she featured in the music video per se! Nothing actually concerns her and Kelly Hansome in that video.
Ironically I’m really feeling Kelly Hansome on that track but to further add sand-sand to the garri, some people are accusing Kelly Boy of borrowing heavily from two of Tuface Idibia’s tracks: True Love and If Love Is A Crime. And annoyingly, KH never seems to be able to do a song without resisting the mention of Control Numbers in the lyrics.
To the Primetime “twins”, I did say this before: If your artiste doesn’t have enough money to shoot in the United States or UK or them no gree grant una visa, kindly try the cheaper South Africa option (you can ask Bigiano). This “Cut and Paste” no be am oh so you guys abeg, kindly drop the pretences and just let us enjoy good music videos, OK?

No, this isn’t Complex Algebra 101. It’s just an addition to the small but growing roll-call of A-list celeb Naija bloggers.
That’s right! MI a.k.a. Jude Abaga launched his blog a while back and it really looks promising with the 411 on his interviews, magazine covers, future shows and album launches.
MI’s foray into blogging is yet another acknowledgement of the fact that entertainers nowadays need to connect with their fans one-on-one and not just be content with album launches, shows and Radio and magazine interviews.
Here’s hoping that he has the momentum to keep up with his blogging even after his website is launched which he says will come fully on-stream anytime soon.
Speaking of his albums, expect as many lyrics to his Talk About It album as you want (better yet, request any of them and I’ll put it up for you) and a review of Illegal Music once I can lay my hands on it. You can click on the link above to scope the blog out or check out our new “Groupie Love Section” blogroll on the right.

The definition of “NotJustOK” on their blog says it all and these guys sure are nothing close to the ordinary. Co-run by Mola G and Ovie O. a.k.a. *O.O*, this Typepad-hosted blog (as far as I can tell) showcases the newest joints from artistes mostly of Nigerian origin and it’s not just about the songs either because you even get to see album covers, artistes’ wallpapers and photos and watch the latest videos as soon as they drop!
How these guys get their stuff hot off the press and manage to update everyday really beats my imagination and on the strength of this alone they deserved to have won at the NBAs if it had a purely music blog category. Methinks they ought to run a cable channel of their own or something!
They also have a Facebook presence too so if you’re an FB fan, you can chill out with these guys there.
One trial will surely convince you and after that you’ll never settle for anything that’s JustOK

Something To Add To Your Dictionary
It’s official! I’m bored… Here are the latest entries in the Blogville Dictionary of Online Ninglish (pirated copy)

1. ne-mes-me-rize:
Main Entry: nemesmerize
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form: - ized; -iz-ing
Derived From: charizing [Origin: Temite (I think…)]
Date: 2008

Definition: 1. to subject to nemesmerism
2. nemesmerism - to give exclusive mention to a blog, blogger, media, event or extra fly website on the Media Nemesis blog

Application: If I grant exclusive mention to you in a post, then consider yourself nemesmerized!

2. LMYO (or any other such derivations):
Main Entry: LMYO
Function: verb
Derived From: Woomie’s comments [Origin: Qube (I think…)]
Date: 2009

Definition: 1. L(aughing) M(y) Y(ansh) O(ff)
Application: (Commenting after reading this hilarious post) ROTFLMYOPIMPKTFWTFME

Ok parry people, it’s time to go. In the words of a certain Ure’s estranged husband, “I sign out now!” as I go looking for something more serious to blog about.

XOXO (whatever that means…)

PS: Special shout outs to Olowo (for giving me the 411 to the M.I. blog via her “Followers” section) and to SSD (for the NotJustOK connection through her “Nigeria vs. The African Continent” music series). It’s remarkable the ways we run into some very magnificent blogs through other bloggers, don’t you think?

PPS: (Ever expanding) list of bloggers who previously had no idea what “PS” means: Afrobabe and Buttercup… At least they were gracious enough to admit it! By the way, Afrobabe’s terrorist post cracked me up like mad especially her efforts at dodging MI5. Who would have thought that behind all that sexiness lay a natural comedienne!

PPPS: I going to give 5 million Pounds sterling (Biafran) to whosoever can tell me the meaning of ROTFLMYOPIMPKTFWTFME. And yes, LG, you may use a Lifeline…

Friday, April 10, 2009

My Life’s Soundtrack - Play Ball

No, it’s not what you think. I am actually so not feeling the E.P.L. As a matter of fact, Lord knows I wouldn’t give a hoot if all the EPL teams were to morph into Agriculture clubs what with the way certain adult males (and females nowadays) run around shouting “Up Blues!” “Red Devils!” “You’ll never walk alone!” like demented kids championing their kindergarten sports houses. However in this unique wonderful track - which is my current ringtone, by the way - the talented musician Faze compares his feelings for a girl with the current fan craze for international football. With its distinctive Pidgin English lyrics, this song is the most perfect blend of Highlife horns, Reggae / Dancehall beats and Calypso-influenced steel drums I’ve ever heard. Faze is just too much! Too bad he didn’t mention Enyimba FC though…

Track: Play Ball (from the Album “Originality”)
Artiste: Faze
Transcribed by: Naughty Eyes

J. Sleek. (Hey!)
She dey play ball oh! (Hey!)
And she dey score goal oh!
For my heart-y oh!
And she dey give them kolo (echo)

Verse 1
(Gunners) Na you be my Arsenal for life oh
My true love no be joke, you be my wife oh
(Barca) Barcelona, you too tight oh
Etoo be Number 1, my left and right oh
(Man U.) If you be Man U., I go marry you
You be Red Devil, that’s why I gbadun you
(Chelsea) Chelsea, I too cherish you
(Up Blues, Up Blues!) You dey play no be small, I dey feel you
If you be Marseille oh, I say you dey play well
If she be Bayern Munich, I say you too unique
If she be PSG, Roma, Bonn and Lyon
You dey play well oh

She dey play ball oh!
For my heart-y oh!
She dey score goal oh!
For my heart-y oh!
She dey give them kolo (echo)
She dey dribble them oh!

[Verse 2]
If you be Liver… (Liverpool), Pires you dey give me goose pimples
(You dey give me liver)
Juventus, you be Champion, lai-lai, you no go lose
(You dey make them shiver)
If you be Real Madrid, I say you too real
If she be AC Milan, you’re my Number 1 fan
If she be Inter Milan, baby I’m your main man
She dey play ball oh, you dey play ball oh
Newcastle, no ball without you
If she be Portsmouth oh, I say you get mouth
If she be Bolton oh, if she be Everton oh, and Tottenham oh
She dey tor-tory me oh (Ehn!)

Repeat Chorus

Omo, na red card oh / omo, na yellow card oh / Referee, no do us ojoro /
I say na penalty oh / I say na offside oh / na Hand of God oh /
I say na free kick oh / E go knack goal oh / I say na corner kick oh /
I say na half time oh / I say na over the bar oh /
Na so! Oya, kick am! Play am! Score am!

Repeat Chorus

[Bridge 2]
Oya, kick the ball, nod the ball, chest the ball (Sangalo!)
Ok, kick the ball, nod the ball, trap the ball (Sangalo!)
Oya, kick the ball, nod the ball, chest the ball (Sangalo!)
Kick the ball, nod the ball, trap the ball (Sangalo!)

[Whistle to signal end of Game…]

Lyrics © 2008 Faze & Independent Entertainment