Sunday, September 28, 2008

On A Sad Note: A Litany Of Woes

Tears In My Eyes
It was too much. It was just too much. Even my FaceBook status message said as much …

Just when I thought the week before the last two was a very shitty one, the past two weeks have turned out to be even shittier. For lack of words to describe my feelings, let me borrow the words of my friend Woomie as quoted in one of her posts:

“This past week, I have swallowed approximately four truck loads of shit…deep shit. Soon, I’ll be unable to take it anymore, not one more drop or I’d just burst. When I do burst, it won’t be all the ingested shit, flesh and blood that will be splashed. No. All that’ll be left of me will be salty water. Tears. I really should learn how to cry. I have heard that it helps.”

Dear Blogville, my social, personal, emotional, religious and mental states have all hit rock bottom. How things went downhill so fast I cannot fathom nor am I in the mood to tell all. Once upon a time I used to run to the church when I reach the darkest pits like this one I’m going through. This time I’ve run away from the church, missing it for like 2 weeks now. The other week I dozed off during service. Largely disgusted with myself, I just walked out. I guess right now I’m not exactly on the best side of Christianity.

I feel like crying just now but maybe things might turn out for the better if I share. The annoyances have been legion but here’s a tiny peek into the simplest of my woes…

Missing SBR
Yes, I missed the Summer Bloggers’ Reunion. It was so sad… Prior to Saturday, 14th September, I already had my how-to-dodge-Saturday-work excuse well prepared. I was going to call the Boss late on Friday and feign an unheard of illness then jet off to Lagos first thing Saturday morn. Well, it didn’t quite work out that way.

Turns out the Boss was the one to call me up late Friday to say the equipment we had been waiting months for had finally arrived and we would be installing it the next day. Since that’s going to be the major source of this month’s income (and in tandem my salary), I had no choice but to shelve my proposed illness and head off to Ile-Ife, miles away but not too far from Lagos. The long and short of it all is that while y’all were shaking your rumps on that pleasure beach, I was busy drilling holes in floors, installing rails and hoisting heavy equipment.

Reviewer’s Block
I seem to have finally caught the blogger’s block. Like Charizard once said, it is characterized not by the lack of things to write about but rather having too many things to write about and no words to express them. I’m bursting full of ideas and there are piles and piles of reviews to do but like the stupid donkey torn between choosing which bale of hay to eat, so my mind seems to be dying of intellectual starvation.

And does anyone know how to fit 36 hours into one day, please?

Revenge of the C.R.T.: My TV’s Lost
My TV (or rather, lack of it) hasn’t been helping matters either. No, the technician didn’t misplace it and yes, I did get the box fixed. However the cost of repairs was such that between the repairman and me, one of us emerged an unhappy pauper and the other a happy millionaire. And just when I’m considering investing in a stabilizer before settling down to watch the damn thing my sister comes along and repossesses it!

Yes, the TV once belonged to her in another life and now she wants it back. That means in the blink of an eye and a flick of my wallet I’ve gone from a TV-somebody to a TV-nobody. And that’s NOT FUNNY AT ALL!

Double Dislocation
Then to make things even crazier, I dislocated my thumbs. I mean, who has ever heard of someone dislocating both thumbs? And no, it wasn’t from lifting heavy equipment either, making me even madder at myself. One night of active video gaming (and Konami’s Winning Eleven 11 International) were responsible for the shooting pain in the left thumb when I woke up the next day. It’s even been diagnosed as Repetitive Strain Injury akin to what typists - and active video gamers - suffer from.

As for the right hand one, what a one ton piece of equipment couldn’t do was a very easy feat for a measly door handle. I’m ashamed to even admit I dislocated it while trying to force open the Boss’ car door at the successful end of the earlier mentioned installation. Now my hands are in too much of an agony to do anything reasonable without the resulting pain reminding me of the importance of a thumb. If you didn’t realize just how relevant your thumbs are, just try going to the loo without one.

The Matilda Scare
Matilda’s been acting up a lot lately but I think I’ve solved part of that piece of craziness by uninstalling one of the two antivirus programs I use. (The geeks were right: NEVER install more than ONE antivirus. I ought to know better). Then just last week I accidentally up-ended a drain tray full of water from the refrigerator on not just her but my cell phones as well. And we all know technology and water don’t mix. Miraculously, no damage was caused after I dried them off but the apprehension still grips me till now like the shock after a car crash.

No TV, no money, no phones and no Matilda?!! What would I have done without my PC in a time of crisis like this?

I’ve Been Kicked Out Of FaceBook
Not in the true sense of it, sha but my browser just stubbornly refuses to log in to FaceBook. So in a way, my web browser has kicked me out of FB. I can’t for the life of me tell why that is so but every time I try, I get a “Web Accelerator Satellite Uplink Down” message or something like that.

The only way I’ve managed to keep updated is via the e-mail notifications FB sends so I’ll have to issue a notice to all those that know me there: I’m so so sorry if I haven’t replied your messages or posted a comment on your wall for such a long time but I promise to do so once the “Uplink” is fixed.

Blogville, I Need A Job!
I’m about to be kicked out of work and I’m not joking about it. I and the boss have been at loggerheads for a while now and he has finally shown me the door. It’s actually my decision to make if I want to walk out of it since my sack hasn’t been made official yet but I think it’s better for me to honourably resign (if there’s such a thing) than get a proper sack letter. The thing has been giving me sleepless nights and troubled days but I think my mind’s finally made up.

On the 30th of October 2008, I’ll be out of Private Corporate Nigeria and out walking the streets looking for gainful employment again. Come October 1st and I’ll be celebrating a different kind of Independence.

It’s been a rocky, tumultuous short-lived relationship between I and S.L.A.V.E. Inc (where I work) and I’ve been taught a lot and I’ve learnt a lot too. Like how to draw up a proper employee appointment letter that won’t be subject to abuse of the kind I’ve received lately.

As Yinka Craig Passes On…
The sad news of the demise of TV’s ace broadcaster, Yinka Craig in a U.S. hospital at the age of 60 filtered in to me mid-last week throwing me into yet another spell of depression. That was actually the saddest part of the week for me. The year 2008 seems to be intent on taking away all the Legends of Nigerian and indeed World Entertainment.

Yinka Craig has always featured on my Top 10 TV personalities list ever since I used to watch him religiously on the A.M. Express Breakfast TV show and it pained me greatly when he stopped appearing on the programme. I still vividly recall him once saying he had a dream of just giving out video cameras to several Nigerian youths and letting them make documentaries out of what they see out on the streets.

Too bad I never got a chance to sign up for that particular project but Mr. Craig’s legacies still live on. No kind of tribute I’ll pay him will ever measure up to what he has done in developing Nigerian Television but Mr. Craig, I guess we’ll just have to reschedule that interview I always wanted with you till we meet up in Heaven.

Rest In the sweetest of Peace.

PS / On Another Personal Note:
I’ve already mentioned his name once in this post and though I dislike kissing ass (of the male kind that is) I just had to do this. I don’t really know how he works his magic but after just a casual mention of Banky W’s blog on his own, I’ve noticed Mr. Capable’s comments have gone up from almost none to 20+ and counting.

Then recently, and on a personal note, I don’t know what he must have said about me but all of a sudden I’m getting Friend Requests from Facebookers saying I’ve been highly recommended by him. This young dude is ruling Blogville in his own rights and I think he deserves the Junior Blogville King of The Year Award (if there’s anything of the sort) for all his hard work, good, bad and mostly funny.

Oluwa-Charizard, you know I’m still vexing with you and to make matters worse you haven’t replied my e-mails for some time now but I heard your PC crashed so I forgive you.

I’m just very curious about what you told those FaceBookers about me but Thanks a Million for the recommendations though. That really brought tears to my eyes.

Remain posted…


esquire said...

Wow! What can i say? So many misfortune to befall one person? But as they say, always thank God whichever position you find yourself. I thought I was the most depressed person this past weeks but after reading your story, i feel lucky. Men, I feel for you. All i gotta say is, hang in there, there are better days to come, just be optimistic.

ps: I know i haven't been the best of friends but i want you to know that i care. I promised to call but i did not. I should have told you that i'm not a phone person. I am going to muster the courage to call you someday (another promise?). Take care.

Naughty Eyes said...

Thanks a million, ESQ...
By the way, were u the 1 that left that Private message on FB?

esquire said...

No, it wasn't me... I dont doublespeak.

Naughty Eyes said...

@ ESQ again: Ok... Thanks still!