Sunday, December 14, 2008

Hen-llo Part 2 & Some Random Ish

***Long personal post alert*** (Heck! ALL my posts are long anyway…)

For some time I’ve been blogging about serious issues so I’ve decided to let my hair down and give you guys some Random Ish I’ve been wanting to gist about for a while now. If you happen not to like the gist, well, take solace in the fact that I’m officially insane anyways…

Good bye November
November, I admit was a very rough month. Within the course of those past 30 days I believed in myself, lost faith and re-believed in myself countless times. I can’t recall anymore if I should be called the Prodigal Son or Forgiving Father or both at once.
In November too I have sacked and re-employed myself numerous times to recall. Several copies of my continuously-rewritten and hurriedly-re-edited resignation letter (with the dates altered) say as much. I fear that by the time I hand in the REAL resignation letter, the boss might actually take a good look at it, let out one of those his deep-throated laughs and order me to Ile-Ife to monitor our equipment there. To add insult to injury he will then proceed to fold it into a paper plane and toss it out of the window where it will hit me on the head as I rush to do his bidding swearing once again that I’ll resign next month.
Boy, was I glad when November came to an inglorious exit! December is already shaping up to be a great month and some of the reasons I said so include some of the gist below.

BlogSpeak Part 2
Remember I swore before that I wouldn’t be calling up any bloggers after Chari’s dissing, abi? Well the threat seems to have worked: now they’re the ones calling me! First, Woomie’s been calling me most weekends beginning from the last in November, me and Esquire have been taking full advantage of Xtra Cool’s free calls and by the time December 1st rolled by, guess who called me up than the lovely Rayo herself! Saying I’m still flabberwhelmed and overgasted is like re-polishing that well worn cliché.
I especially like talking with Rayo cause her brilliance comes through in her gist (what else did you think I was going to say, dirty-minded people!) and just like Esquire the convo flows as unobstructed as the Osun-Gbodofon River. Best of all I only do manage to get tongue-tied once in a long while unlike when I talk with ... (fill in the gap).
Interestingly she was the one who actually scouted for my number and not vice versa which made me feel really, really special, I tell ya! Some people say Lagos gals are too forward and stuff but if such forwardness means I get calls from chicks like her, then who the hell am I to complain? Take my number jo!!!

As A Result Of Which…
…I’m seriously nursing plans to hit Lasgidi this Xmas! Visiting the Centre of Excellence is nothing new but this will be the first time I’ll be spending my hols in the city almost all my Ibo brothers are planning to flee from.
Of course I’ve already got my itinerary drawn up and I’m fully booked till next Christmas but I’m very willing to squeeze out space to meet any blogger who’s willing to take me to any one of the following places / events: Writers’ Anonymous, Terra Kulture, Silverbird Cinema / Ozone, any Iya Basira or similar-themed Shayo joint (where I must witness at least one broken-bottle fight after which we’ll then flee without paying), the Bra Beach (yeah, you read that right) or any Beach for that matter, any upbeat night club (where I’ll sit down all night because I can’t dance and I must get my very first taste of Moet, Hennessy or Chardonnay), a really deep and moving Religious experience (preferably Catholic), British Council’s WAPI, a strip club (I’ll “mistakenly” forget my glasses beforehand) and last but not least, your house (where your mum must be nice, your dad must be absent and only your beautiful single sisters must be introduced to me). And all outings must be all-expense paid by the host/hostess of course!
There! I’m done… Let me start packing my two shirts, two trousers and one shoe.

Airtime Plus
Just when some people were saying I lambaste the NTA too much, I happened to run into my kindred sister last week doing almost the same kind of job I do here but on a newspaper.
Saw Onoshe Nwabuike’s Airtime Plus byline in The Punch Newspapers in a piece tagged “From Mumbai To Jos” where she painted the laughable scenario of CNN trying to get film footage and news reportage of the Jos Mayhem from Nigeria’s local TV stations.
Loved the whole read but I’ll admit the opening statements instantly got my attention. Onoshe, while trying to describe NTA’s perceived “neutrality” on national issues at stake wrote, and I quote:

“NTA whose corporate logo should be the ostrich, would carry on as if nothing was the matter…”

Wow! And to think you people say I’m harsh, ehn? I’m still ROTF picturing how the new design of NTA’s corporate logo would look like with that ostrich positioned somewhere in the middle.

M. I. A. Bloggers?
Does anyone remember Venom… er sorry, my mistake… Serum? I tire jo. After the long chit-chat we just started I was very surprised that homegal seems to have gone AWOL! Been swinging by her blog every time I go online and the “gossip” on it is going so stale that shame don begin to the catch me because of my huge blog presence there. If anyone knows her, abeg tell her that has offered to refund all her browsing money so that they can sell her URL to another person quick quick. (And Esquire, since you were her biggest fan, kindly deliver the message).
Then there’s good old Jo Isreal who came up with her original idea of us rating Naija songs via her “Rate It with Jo” blog. Novel concept, slow response and now Jo seems to have packed her bags. Why do all these great ideas (like The Nollywood Critique) die so suddenly?
What is it sef? At least Carlang warned us in his 42nd post before going AWOL and the dude was so smart to cover his backside in case he never blogs again (he's back again!) unlike another new blogger called RUKKY. Girlfriend wrote what I’ll describe as the best first post I’ve read ever ( 45 other commentators currently agree with me) only for her to disappear soon after I started picking interest. I’ve even gone as far as to include her in my personal ashawo list (a.k.a. the blog crush). Ahn ahn RUKKY, na so our love wan start?
So Serum. Jo, and RUKKY, you pipu better return before Christmas or I’ll start leaving nasty remarks in your comments oh! AlooFar sef don teach me one better method to make people return from their “by force” leave.
Oya, First Warning…

I’ve got a Blog crush!
Ok, I lie. It’s blog crushessssssssss actually. What do guys blog? Simple: We know Blogville is that one wonderful place where you get to meet all these fine-fine ladies with razor-sharp intellect. Think we’re fools? Nah! So kindly permit me to indulge in my fantasies abeg. But seriously, how come so many Naija female bloggers are so fine? Is Ty Bello doing all your profile shots or are you gals stealing people’s pictures off Facebook? These damsels are really getting my temperature rising through absolutely no fault of theirs and I’m lusting big time! (I really need deliverance).
Anyway unlike so many people, I do crush and tell so I’m very much tempted to spill the beans on my detailed Ashawo list soon. But first of all, with my tongue fully sticking out, let me introduce you people to the babe who’s currently occupying the Number 5 spot…

Ladyguide, How Far?
Nobody - least of all, her - knows of this but I’m leaking the secret now. There’s one very special blogger called LG and I dey trip for the chick any time I visit her blog but my dilemma is this: For starters I’m beginning to wonder if this love (abi na lust) isn’t misplaced since I never see her face even by “mistake”. Second her profile picture is a white elephant which makes me wonder if this our “project” won’t turn out like the proverbial white elephant typical of Rural Road and Water Schemes dotted all over the place. Thirdly, and to make matters worse she calls me “egbon” meaning she’s supposed to be my younger sister, abi? LG, abeg why call me egbon instead of something more “chewing-gummy” like sweetheart, sugardrops, honeypie or cupcakes? The “incest” undertones to the whole thing don dey bother me oh…
Anyway, abura, I don “kola” you now abi? Expect the zobo later!

Something’s Cooking
My pipu, as darling LG (I’m still tripping) would say, something dey fire wey I don dey cook small-small and I’m about to open the cover and let you guys get a sniff. What am I talk about? I’m talking of my own style of Blog Awards for the movers and shakers of blogville this year which I have conservatively tagged “The MN Recommends Awards 2008."
There’s definitely not going to be an award ceremony of any sort and I’m not going to be giving out any plaques (where the money?) but I’ve been working very hard to compile a list of blogs / bloggers mainly of Naija origin who have made my 2008 very special and whose blogs I’d recommend anytime, any day. (Why of Naija origin? Because Naija bloggers are the BEST! The only foreign bloggers who are good have some inherited Naija blood from us inside them)
Of course it’s not a novel concept but I’m trying to make the MNR awards much different from lots of blog awards floating out there which you’ll agree are more or less like chain letters with each nominated “recipient” nominating in turn 5, 6 or 7 of his or her friends to spread on the award.
It’s been really hard work writing up the piece which I’m doing single-handedly by the way, and I’m still trying to design an appropriate logo for the “Awards” (Afronuts, Archiwiz, Black 007, Femi B, HELP!!!) but I’ll try to make it my very last post of 2008 so please stay tuned for the buffet. Of course I’m not taking it too seriously so in the meantime, feel free to drop comments about the craziest categories you can come up with and the bloggers who you think deserve to win in them though I cannot guarantee that they’ll make the final cut since time is very scarce nowadays.
And just in case I don’t make the schedule for the Awards post myself, I’ll just re-edit this post, delete this section and deny I ever said such a thing…

In the interim, despite the disarray of my ramblings I have actually enjoyed writing this unlike some of my heavy posts of late. Let’s do this some other time ok?

XOXO (Lady Koko, what does this mean by the way?)

PS: If you succeeded in reading up to here in one sitting you truly deserve a kiss. Here it is: MWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! (Ladies only)


esquire said...

I did! And am i first? I think i am!

Ok... so... what do i have 2 say? (Am i asking you, you say?)

NEways, so many things to say...

Nice long interesting gist. I LOVE IT!

doug said...

hahaha! bloody ashewo like you. Going around ogling all the

First time here! Nice blog. Thanks for stopping by mine!!!

seye said...

You've been tagged. Please check my blog for details

LG said...

buhahahahahahaha dis one pass 'kola' o, na fried rice/shiken/salad n i rily enjoyed it only say no 'apoti' for ya 'haus' :)

merry kiss'mas
muaahhhh :)

Naughty Eyes said...

@ ESQ: Yep! You were first. So many things to say? Well... say them nah...

@ Doug: From one ashewo to the other: Thanks for the compliment!

@ Seye: Na wah oh! This your tag na one thing wey I dey pray to dodge till my one year blogiversary. Now you don spoil show. thanks for giving me a reason to post soon sha.

@ LG: (singing 3T) You know I will do anything for you...
Merry Kiss'mass too. Since I get your kiss I never sleep oh!