Wednesday, February 18, 2009

B & P 9: Paparazzi vs. Glitterati, Onyeka Onwenu and Tantalize-hers

Between Niyi, Linda, Dele & Omowunmi
When the paparazzi fight the glitterati, you can be sure that what gets thrown around won’t be confetti. Blogville is becoming an extremely fascinating neighbourhood just like our own backyards and sometimes it’s very interesting to look out of our kitchen windows to see which neighbours are fighting.

Where am I headed this time? Well, those of you who visit Niyi Tabiti’s blog (GREAT blog by the way) and Linda Ikeji’s (GREAT chick by the way) would have noticed the quick war of words that went on last week. They’ve both resolved the issue now and I know its stale gist but no-one ever tires of hearing the story of a big fight, abi?

For those of you who don’t know, trouble started when Niyi granted an interview to a young dude during The Future Awards event who claimed he and Omowunmi Akinnifesi (everybody sabi her now? Na she dey picture) were getting married soon. Omowunmi (the real Omo-sexy in my opinion) when asked by Mr. Paparazzi, didn’t say anything to support or refute the claim so chikena! He went ahead to publish his story. And that’s when the dam bust!

Enter Linda, who then jumps into the fight with a post in which (in Niyi’s opinion) she lampoons the entire Nigerian entertainment media. Niyi, quick to the trigger, returned the service with a full backhand in a reply post which chronicled one of his experiences as Linda’s publicist and how several celebrities have denied relationships that turned into… ahem… deeper relationships and marriages. (He also gave us an insight into where Linda’s flat is located and what she does there! LOL!!!)

Anyway, all the parties have now settled, we now know Dele Fasan was an engagement-impostor and Omowunmi is still single (YIPEEE!!!!).

Personally, I feel there is a teeny-weeny little bit more to this story oh! My smallest toe (my gossip alarm) is tingling seriously! Then, I also want to know where that Dele Fasan of a guy is hiding now. Some people might be targeting the guy for some serious brushing but personally I think we all need to buy him a round of beer. After all it’s not easy to become an instant celebrity in Nigeria just like that. We too plenty…

If I was him, no shaking me for do the same thing. From now on, I am going to start targeting celebrities to marry on the Red Carpet like no man business. Oya! Onyeka Onwenu, Eucharia Anunobi, Empress Njamah and (my personal, full-breasted favourite) Mercy Johnson, where una dey?

Speaking of Onyeka Onwenu…
I saw her anchoring Zain’s latest Talent Reality TV show, “Don’t Forget The Lyrics!” (yes, yet another one…Sigh…). For those of you who never watched Black & White television back in the days, Onyeka Onwenu (who’s also referred to as “The Elegant Stallion” - before anyone accuses me of having a dirty mind, I didn’t coin that!) is a songstress-extraordinaire whose hit love-song “You and I” was probably the reason some of you were born in the first place. Not too long ago she decided to hitch her train with Nollywood, appearing in flicks and now she’s a TV host.

The babe-woman was totally smashing in the skinny jeans and blouse she wore during the Ibadan screening of the talent show that set off her pear-shaped figure so well even my sister complimented her (ladies, beware my sister’s tongue). Surprising because Ms. O’s old enough to be something close to my mother’s younger sister’s age (but abeg, since when did it become a crime to admire better thing/person?) I wonder where that fashion article I read somewhere got the idea that skinny jeans is a no-no for senior babes because it made them look like O.B.Y. (Old But Young)?

On the flip side, Zain’s “Don’t Forget The Lyrics!” is a reality show that doesn’t necessarily judge the voice of the contestants (for a change) but how well they can remember the lyrics of popular tracks in the music category of their choice (see more details below).

Gongo Aso @ The Ibadan Screening
What was the most popular track chosen for contestants at the Ibadan screening? Yep! You guessed right… It was 9ice’s Gongo Aso. The performances were entertaining but I wondered why the choice of that very popular song for the contestants. Is there any Yoruba guy out there that honestly doesn’t know the lyrics to that song? Come to think of it, even Ibo guys know it as well (as for Aboki them, me I no know o!)

It was 9ice (pun intended) seeing the lyrics of the song scroll on the screen though especially one very tricky part I’ve been wounding lyrically for some time now. How could I have guessed that what he was actually singing was “Moet nlo, Hennessey nlo, Bacardi nlo, ohhhhh!!!?” Zain, thank you jare! While we’re at it, can I have the lyrics to “4Kasibe” too? Too hard? OK, what of Femi Kuti’s “Bang, Bang Bang”? Or Zulezoo’s “Kerewa”?

Ehen, back to the gist. My best performance? It was by one guy like that (I always forget guys’ names) who combined 9ice’s lyrics with Klint Da Drunk’s dance steps to produce a new style. Even Onyeka had to dub him “Klint Da 9ice”!

And ahem… ahem… Naija gals are very, very fine o! I mean, check out the fine Ibo babe with the dyed hair and killer glasses whose name is the title of an oldtime highlife track (Osondiowendi). The Asa-wannabe who said she performs at the Premier Hotel, Ibadan told everyone Asa was her role model and yet managed to fluff the second verse of “Jailer”. Or is the chick that did a duet with Onyeka? Abeg, if anybody knows Busola who is a student in Ibadan and who appeared on the Zain show, please tell her I’ll pay 50K sharp-sharp just to get her number. Her face, her voice, her smile, her white blouse with green patterns, her formings sef, all na die! That girl drove me NUTS, men!!!

Interestingly, a third girl, Tega said she studies Wildlife in Ibadan (GROWLLLLLL!!!) And by the way, can someone explain to me how come I can remember all the girl’s names?

And 14th February passes…
Finally! The dreaded day of love has gone by leaving a few earthquakes behind. (Hint: Afrobabe went from “It’s complicated” to being “Single”. Don’t ask me how or why but the news made me a bit happy sha!).

Interestingly, the day was celebrated in Osogbo, the Osun state capital, a little bit differently this year. The difference? Well a new outlet of the Tantalizers Fast Food franchise opened in Osogbo some time shortly before Lovers’ Day. Smart idea on the part of the restaurateurs - at least they launched just in time to catch the love-is-in-the-air market.

Apart from a few other smaller outlets, Tantalizers’ launch brings to two the number of places you can take your sugar-mummies and sugar-daddies to (did I neglect the kids? Sorry…). Mr. Biggs, which has been operating alone for quite a while now, was the first.

Now before those reading this think I have shares in both outlets or that this is a paid advert, no you’re wrong on both counts (I actually don’t like fast-food by the way, I think it’s way too over-priced).

I only mention it in passing because the word “Tantalizers” has now been added to the Osogbo people’s Lexicon of Forming. Heard one girl ask another one as she got on a bike where she was going to when that day of all days was Valentine’s Day.

The responder didn’t hesitate to tell her questioner (loud enough so we all could hear) that she was going to check out the latest fast-food joint.

She called it “Vulcanizers”!!!

Remain posted…


Photo Credits: Omowunmi Akinnifesi/Niyi Tabiti (Niyi Tabiti’s blog)

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