Sunday, March 22, 2009

Esquire's dish

I’m in trouble! Ye! Mogbe o!

Public service announcement: Due to the large amount of questions thrown at esquire, he has suffered a cardiac arrest.

Well, I almost did (suffer a heart attack). Do you blame me? How am I supposed to answer all those questions? I have never been so questioned in my life! It’s like being on the hot seat, a really hot one this time around!

Well, after drinking like 20 cups, sorry, jugs of water, I managed to recuperate myself. As a sharp boy, I have decided to pull a smart one on ya’ll. The answer to all (yes, all) your questions are: ALL OF THE ABOVE!

There. I’m done. Or are you still reading? Which kain trouble be this na? NE, you’re a fool for this one! I’m never going to forgive you! Just when I thought of going on a hiatus, you decided you will fast-forward it by linking me with this ish.

Anyways, what’s a man to do than to be a man? I have decided to stand up to the challenge and answer your questions, though it may not be as witty as that of those two. (Yes, those two! They pulled a conspiracy stunt on me and left me to bear my cross all along) I’m not use to writing stylishly or in a way that will make ya’ll laugh and I know I’ve been doing a bad job already on this post but please bear with me.

Buttercup: (1) What prompted you guys to, uh, join forces? (2) Did you meet on blogville? (3) Are y'all in relationships at the moment?

Esquire: (1) Its joblessness! Or what do you think will make three young vibrant minds to come together and rant about the Nigeria media they so know nothing about? Its joblessness! That, or they are just trying to be relevant! Who cares about what they say? The Nigeria media will do what they like, however they like. Is it today that people start to talk? They are just singing “le fenu so” for us. Whew! I’m crazy right? Yeah, I know! It’s just the way I now feel about it all. Sorry if I bored you. (2) Yeah, we meet on blogville or rather he discovered me and just decided to stick with me for no reason that I can see! He’s the brother I wish I had on blogville. (3) No. Only Wo answered this question correctly, NE was just blabbering about his being single. I said no because only I and NE talk regularly and I’ve met him twice. Wo and I only talked on the phone once and that was the end, like it never happened. She’s ignoring me, I’m ignoring her. Simple.

LG: Happy blog-versary! The funny thing is mine’s also this month so that makes us ….?

Esquire: Ajo lepo niyen! (Translation: we are joined together then). Lol!

AlooFar: How would you like to save the world?

Esquire: I be Superman? I begi! On a more serious note, it’s not possible to save the world. That is like the only thing that is not possible in this world! Yes, to save it! Even God Himself cannot save us. We are His greatest mystery. He still can’t believe He created us. He is still experimenting with us; marveling at our twists and turns everyday; wondering what other foolish thing we can do. But he is the all-knowing God. He had predicted we could go out of hand, that’s why he planned a rescue mission for mankind – Annihilation!

Danny Bagucci: What one thing do you think if you changed about your world would make the most difference?

Esquire: JAMB question! Answer: My social status. I like myself, I like who I be. I like how/who God created me. I am a humble and nice person, self-gratifications apart. I would remain the same if I am a little richer than this.

Seye: (1) I see you have deleted a question. Was it a bad question? (2) If you had one wish…I WISH! What would it be? (3) What exactly keeps you going in the blog-o-cycle?

Esquire: (2) I wish I had super-powers, all sort of super-powers you could ever think of. It’ll be fun! (3) What got me started in the first place. I like writing. I like seeing my writings published. It gives me joy. Even if y’all don’t read or leave comments on my blog, I just like to publish my thoughts.

Solomon Sydelle: SERIOUS question… Shortbread or Okin Biscuit?

Esquire: I remember OKIN biscuit. Back in the days, when I was primary school, OKIN was the favorite. We were still eating OKIN during early high school days until Haansbro came with their kill-all-classics brand. So, OKIN is out of it, I’ll just settle with Shortbread.

Laide “Ex-schoolnerd”: Don’t know what to ask… here goes nothing. Are you happy?

Esquire: At the moment, yes. That’s because I am writing this.

SpicyTee: (1) How old are you? (2) What are you wearing now? (3) What makes you tick? (4) Why do you write so lengthy? (5) Where is the party?

PS: No story oh….

Esquire: (1) A lil above franchise (2) Shorts or as we call it here, boxers (3) Another JAMB question. You know what JAMB questions are? They are questions only JAMB can answer by themselves! Can you please define ‘tick’? (4) NE answered this suitably (5)

Ps: your questions are quirky.

Vera: (1) What is the inspiration for your name? (2) Describe a beautiful woman. What would she look like? What would she act like? What would she sound like? (3) What would you rather have: a big wedding & a short honeymoon OR a small wedding & lengthy honeymoon? (4) Who do you like better: Beyonce or Jennifer Hudson?

Esquire: (1) I adopted Esquire because I like its semantic form. However, esquire describes me - a gentleman. (2) My favorite question! A beautiful woman is one who has all the right features, in the right places, at the right proportion. Forget virtues, I’m down for looks... and features! If you are beautiful, you are beautiful. You can’t fake it. (3) It’s all-of-the-above for this question jare. I want both big wedding and lengthy honeymoon. We’ll be gone till November baby! (4) Beyonce… because I have a crush on her! Add Mary J. Blige and Ashanti and Alicia Keys to the list. But sentiments apart, like Wo said, Beyonce and Jenny aint mates, even Rihanna can’t be ranked next to B.

Rayo: Have you had or do you have serious blog crushes? Name them please…?

Esquire: Woomie O! It’s official! Do you blame me? You shouldn’t! I’m 19, she is 19. I’m single, she is ….? We are both the youngest doing this (or so I think). It’s only logical to be …? I didn’t say anything o, before you start getting ideas. But it’s just what it is – a non-serious blog crush (if there is anything like that).

Esquire: Questions please.

Since there's no more questions, I'm out!


Buttercup said...

lol..interesting character, u r..

"Wo and I only talked on the phone once and that was the end, like it never happened. She’s ignoring me, I’m ignoring her. Simple.! - r u serious??? why na??

Buttercup said...

oh..1sssssssssssssssssssssssst! :D

Naughty Eyes said...

Esquire boy, you wan jam some rat poison oh! Ain't you heard? Wo is off limits! You're 19, she's 20 and I'm (officially) 29...

LG said...


Naughty Eyes said...

@ LG: Why you dey LOL nah? Remember say our date still dey oh! Check details in Econmium or Newsline...

Naughty Eyes said...

@ BC: Good question. Oya, Esquire explain...

@ ESQ: Women never ignore a man. They're just wait for your next move.

esquire said...

I'm here alright. I've been off - told you so.

@ BC: Thanks for the compliment, wish there was more people who said the same thing.

That Wo is ignoring me is just an assumption. But then, there is my ego. And you know what i heard? I heard that it's good to have an ego. Chikena!

@ NE: Ehen? I thought it's only by months o. But i guess you can say i'm not 20 yet. Does that makes it off limits? And which ram poison i be wan chop? Abegi!
Thanks for the eye-opener bdw. It's noted!