New Horizons

Online - Blogs - Blogging

As if Life was not short enough, I had to go and make mine busier. I’m still NOT making any promises but here’s a sneak preview of a few new projects I’ll be handling in the next few months:

1. The Phoneparazzi
What do you get when you cross a smart guy with naughty eyes, innocent looks, a paparazzi heart, a camera phone and a blog? You get the Phoneparazzi! This photo-blog chronicles Life in Nigeria as seen through the lens of a camera phone.

2. MN Expanded
MN isn’t just about TV and music; it’s about what goes on online too. Starting anytime soon, you’ll be able to check out my views on certain blogs and websites that populate the WWW. (Thanks to Lolu-Kush and Charizard for the inspiration).

That apart, permit me to indulge myself as I will also take a critical look at my favourite pastime: video games. I admit I’m so mad about them that I’ll be wrestling the gamepad with my kids in years to come!
Plus: MN is still on the look-out for new Contributors so if you think there’s a single critic’s bone in your body, I’ll be glad to post your stuff here as well.

3. Nollywood Plots
Not only do I get to tear apart the movies, you get to read up the entire plot before you decide to see the movie or not. Yeah, I know it will be a movie spoiler but as an addition, you will get insights into the Nollywood personalities as well, courtesy of links to sites like Nollywoodwatch.com and the artistes’ own webpages. The possible vehicle for this will be Wikipedia.

4. Fiction Online
Now is the turn of the Nemesis to do a reversal on me as I post some of my previous works of Literature online. If you’ve been thinking my writing is wack and never had an opportunity to say so, here’s YOUR chance to be the Reviewer.

5. The Office
When I’m not moonlighting as Naughty Eyes on Media Nemesis, you can catch me in the Office working my butt off as I am constantly bombarded with criticisms for leaving the best part of my brain at home. And it’s all my fault really for signing on that dotted line.

But it isn’t always about work. Office life can be fun too sometimes and this blog will tell you all there is to know within and even outside my workplace.

And when I’m not hard at work in the Office, you can catch me moonlighting as Naughty Eyes on Media Nemesis...

6. 419 Letters
It’s me versus the con boys as I take on a certain spammer who thinks I’m sucker enough to fall for his fraudulent e-mails. In this series of columns I get to analyze his plots and strategies as we play our word chess games. For this role I’ll be taking on yet another secret identity this time as a gullible, greedy and foolish Nigerian willing to part with his hard earned cash and account numbers.

In Conclusion…
So you see, there are so many more things to write about and these are just the visible tips. The icebergs are out there floating somewhere deep in my subconscious. I’ve got me some more serious writing to do and I have to bounce outta here. I’ll activate the links and notify everyone whenever the additional blogs become active.

Peace... for now.

Me

An Elegy To Blogville

Online - Blogs - Blogging

Before someone I know reads this and panics… No, I’m not leaving blogville. Seems like yesterday I joined this party and I ain’t leaving at least till I celebrate my 1 year blog-iversary.

But it seems some people are getting tired of the virtual champagne and leaving cyberspace to nurse their hangovers at home. Any discerning blog viewer of mine would have noticed slight changes to my VIP Blog Posse. That’s right. The beautiful Stella Damasus Aboderin has decided to take a hike.

Oh, beautiful Stella D., the Number 3 of my fantasies… Why did you have to leave the party just as I had summoned courage to ask your hand for our cyber dance? If I could write a poem for you, honestly I would. She used to blog here but now the link goes nowhere. I hope you change your mind and come back better than. I still have your pages saved though.

Then there’s Pink Stain, part hostess of Blogville Idols 2008. We never met online or off but I got to know her through her online version of the music talent show. What sort of bombshell chick she was, I was just about to find out but never got the chance. By the time you read this, she might have deleted her blog too.

But it’s not all bad news though. Several Bloggers who decided to take a break (without our permission, o!) are now back full time. Yes, Esquire has returned and Funmi is also back (missed her so I almost died!) and Aloofar too after his post-Obama speech break. Here’s also wishing Fine Boy Agbero stays out of those notorious NURTW brawls so he can do his thing online the way he knows how to do so well. And our prayer vigils for Charizard worked too. That hommie needed some good ol’ cyber-loving and he’s fine right now.

On another sad note, another of my favs that will soon be taking the curtain call is The Nollywood Critique. When she first appeared with the piece, “An Ode to Nollywood”, I was way over the moon and asked to be a Contributor there. Some weeks ago, I got an e-mail from the movie maven herself saying she’s going to give the blog the axe. All those of you who visit and like the concept, please join me and send a well-worded e-mail to Nneoma pleading with her not to bow out.

After all if the party stops now, then who the hell am I supposed to dance with? I’d like to have my Posse back, PLEASEEEEE…????

PS: Quick Takes
It must have been a slightly difficult decision on her part but she accepted. What am I talking about? Yes, she accepted my proposal! And No, it wasn’t a marriage proposal.

A new slightly noticeable change to my blog is the inclusion of… wait for it… (drum roll please) A TEAM MEMBER! Join me in welcoming Woomie as she takes a seat on the MN Editorial desk. And our joint prayer is: May this Nemesis not come to an end.

Less Criticisms Please…

My friend, T Banky is one of the Sages…

Most of the feedback I get hardly comes from the Comments field of my blog. Those that really care send me e-mail highlighting points that I struck squarely on the head or missed badly. Others like T Banky call me late at night to seriously discuss.

The problem with most of us Bloggers, if I get T Banky right, is that we are trying too hard. We all are striving to be too DEEP. But you can’t really blame us. With the rapid population explosion of blogville’s citizens and the even shorter time to read, comment and post, we break our literary backs probably hoping that our intellect will reflect in every sentence we put down and keep that reader coming back not only to drink deep of the well of our knowledge but to refer their friends to the fountain as well.

I came to this sudden realization when I asked my dear friend to give me her impartial criticism of my MN blog. Now I know I probably stand as Number One accused of the very same crimes which I continuously point out. My midnight calls with Banky have been a real eye-opener and taught me a few things.

First of all is the length of my MN posts. Whatever I may not possess when it comes to conversation, God made up for me when it comes to the written word. The total lack of brevity when I am writing has always been my curse. And as Banky told me, so many impatient people are going to get lost even before they get to the very end of the post. I have to learn how to be as concise as possible.

She also wasn’t too happy with the amount of sarcasm in my writing or certain instances where she says I am trying too hard to be witty. Now, that was tough coming from a friend but I had to swallow it as well. MN was created out of my frustrations with stomaching too much bad entertainment from media developers who could have just tried a little bit to inject a tiny bit of creativity into their work. A lot of the terrible stuff we are continuously bombarded with stems from this laziness on their part. Sometimes the frustrations make me just let loose of the vitriol.

Then, I know I work too hard. I’ve edited and tirelessly re-edited some posts countless times before publishing thus sacrificing the very core of my literary soul for the sake of political and grammatical correctness. Some issues I have felt strongly about have gathered dust on the shelf as I try too hard in vain to remain reasonable. The ironic fact that the N.V.N.V. piece which I slaved on draws far fewer responses than the ATM gist shows me there’s something I must be missing here.

We talked for long that night - she and I - and by the time we were through I almost wanted to turn my back permanently on blogville. I am glad I didn’t.

Now I think I finally get it. We all are citizens here for a purpose. Each blogger possesses a vision and a mission and we hope to somehow reach our respective intellectual destinations (my apologies to a certain man of God). Every blog has a reason for being.

Of course, every one of us loses the rudder once in a while. It is left for us to ride the roughs, swallow the criticisms, take them to heart and improve.

Banky has somehow shown me that if I continuously hack and hack away at the system, I would be taking everything away without putting anything back in there. I now have to learn how to criticize less and constructively criticize more.

I am also learning to consult more with the Oracles of blogville, thank God for them. When I’m drifting it’s a consolation to know that Funmi will still be fiyanda, Wole will always remain laspapi, Esquire will undoubtedly still be esquire and Woomie - loyal, unpredictable, DEEP Woomie - will still be the President of the Next Generation. We all have, and are still passing through this threshold.

Reading this, one might wonder: did I take any of Banky’s corrections at all? I can’t help it. I spent years creating this writing style and I will spend years refining it. But I am learning the constitution that governs blogville.

MN will surely still be around for some more time to come. Blogville utopia may not even be around the next corner but slowly and surely, we are getting there.

My friend, T Banky is one of the Sages… Thanks, Banky for keeping it REAL!

Commenting on the Comments...(PS: Help! An I.D.I.O.T. Is Spamming Me!)

Online - Blogs - Comments

I can hear them gasping! There, I've done it. I have shed the cloak of objectivity and brought the battle to their doorstep. I have challenged them and I know they are going to post Comments.

It isn't easy to do but I believe I've done the viewing public a wee bit of favour with my recent posts. But many of them will never thank me for this. It takes quite a struggle to shift my neutrality but it's been done. So someone special (you know yourself...) told me I sound too formal! Ok... from now on, the perspective has changed.

To that someone, I think now is as good a time to defend myself. I ain't too formal I think. Just that reviewing can be such a tiring process most times especially when trying to sound as neutral as possible, even when the particular reviewed piece in question is crap. Just how objective can you be when describing the beauty of an orangutan?

And so I turn to formal speech to mask my disappointment. People who have seen me cuss in public (after wasting hours of my short life watching a crapy movie for instance) can attest to the fact. But it doesn't happen too often. And this objectivity thing dey tire me more nowadays...

As I go through all the Comments that have been sent to my blog, I am humbled. I'm still stumbling. I can only say Thank you to all of you for bothering to drop by... and read.

Except of course for that I.D.I.O.T...
When I joined Blogspot.com, one thing I didn't count on was for spammers trying to use the Comments field of my blog to spread their filthy pop-up advert links. Sorry, I'm too smart for that. Comment moderation is a blessing to any serious blogger.

Next time someone sends me a shopping link or one of those foolish online lottery links with an heading like "I love this blog's topic. It seems you have a strong personality, etc, etc" disguised as a Comment, I'll calmly delete them as usual.

Then I'll calmly walk over to you, politely tap you on the shoulder and personally kick your online ass... HARD!